IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility
One section of the society believes that common people fitness should be taken care of by lawmakers of the country they should implement laws related to a healthy diet.
However
,the other section comments that it should be the personal choice of an individual.I completely agree with the former notion because eating nutritious meals can solve health-related problems, the average age of a country increases.I would like to explicate both the views of
this
 argument. To commence with,the individuals who assert that lawmakers should not interfere in personal matters
instead
 they should be given a personal independence comments that if the public officials are interfering in the health-related matters,
then
 it reflects dictatorship of the high officials which will affect the personal health of an individual like stress.
Instead
 of,
this
 they believe that a country should promote democracy,
as a result
, the mental health of an individual will rise which will ultimately benefit their
citizens
.For ,instance a survey conveys the message that in
countries
 like India where individuals are given the right to make decisions regarding eating habits, their
citizens
 are much happier as compared with
citizens
 where restrictions have been imposed.
Thus
,an individual must be given the freedom to make choice.
In addition
 to it,those who believe that officials should implement laws related to individuals personal health believes that
countries
, where
citizens
 are taking healthy diet in their meals,
citizens
 are taking healthy diet in their meals have a much stronger immune system as compared to the
countries
 which are relying on street bread.
For example
,in
this
 corona pandemic,
countries
 like Australia have a low death ratio because of its
citizens
 who used to eat a nutritious snack in spite of eating junk cuisine,
Consequently
 to handle serious health-related issues, the administrator must come forward to implement laws. To recapitulate,I completely believe that a nation consists of its federation.So it is the duty of the bureaucrat to take care of them by implementing acts that will eventually bring better results like an increase in average age as well as a community can solve critical pandemic situations and other problems.
Submitted by amanasati77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: