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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Are sports essential in school life for children .Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The massive responsibility of providing the best curriculum for students is on the shoulders of principals.
While
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 some opine that doing regular physical activities is a must for all school-goers, others argue that it is not logical to make it compulsory. In my view, considering children’s interests is much more important than playing sports at any cost. On the one hand, health-related issues are the number one concern for all parents in
this
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 modern world. To clarify, thanks to the technological revolution, children are getting used to leading a shockingly sedentary lifestyle. They spend long hours exploring online platforms.
As a result
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, they do not have enough time to exercise in their leisure time, which may result in grossly overweight individuals among them.
Hence
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, it can be helpful if schools push them to do
such
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 a thing in their educational environment.
On the other hand
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, equality goes a long way in educational institutions. As we all know, the learning environment is full of differences, and children come from different backgrounds.
For example
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, my older sister used to suffer from heart disease in her childhood, and she usually compared her health condition with her peers at the time of playing sports, which made her reluctant to participate in workout classes because she considered herself inferior to others.
This
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 is why, nowadays, she is struggling with a lack of self-confidence. So, it is a very unfair rule to force children to do some activities that are way over their capacity. In conclusion,
although
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 underestimating the importance of physical health is not logical in
this
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 era, it does not necessarily mean schoolchildren should do it at any cost. I strongly believe that placing a high value on pupils' preferences is really essential to avoid long-term dire consequences.

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improvement
You discuss both sides and give your view, but add more clear and strong reasons for each point.
improvement
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' so the flow is smooth.
improvement
Give more precise examples from life or class to back up each point.
improvement
Check grammar and word use; short and simple sentences can help you keep a good pace.
structure
The writer shows a clear stance and a simple plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
evidence
The essay uses a real life example to support a point.
task response
It covers both sides of the topic, which fits the task well.
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