Nowadays, doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
doctors
can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities
such
as
plastic
surgery
or looking after rich
patients
and concentrate more on
patients
' health, no
matter
how rich they are. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
statement and the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons
doctors
can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities
such
as
plastic
surgery
or looking after rich
patients
and concentrate more on patient's fitness, no
matter
how rich they are is that all the
people
no
matter
they are rich
people
or poor
people
should have
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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potentiality to get treated equally since every life are valuable due to most of the
people
is likely to have a family or friends. .
For example
, according to the latest research conducted by Bangkok University, it is revealed that 80% of
patients
in Thailand is a poor
people
;
However
, They have friends or family that cry when
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun patients in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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patients
get hurt, have meant that they are valuable for the family.
This
example shows that all the
patients
play a major role in their ducks. Another reason to support
this
is the fact that
doctors
should pay attention to
patients
'
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths

It seems that strength may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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more than a profit .
This
is because if
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts

It seems that expert may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject expert. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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only interesting to be rich
it
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
will do not have a doctor to look after
patients
enough. To illustrate
this
, in recent news, it has been reported that In Australia has been got into trouble lack of physician
as
Replace the word
like

You may be confusing the words like and as with each other. Consider replacing one with the other.

show examples
most of the scientist there is more likely to study
about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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plastic
surgery
,
therefore
, they can't recover
patients
that get hurt from a normal accident.
This
can
makes
Change the verb form
make

The verb makes after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
the emphasis of a normal doctor clear. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that
doctors
can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities
such
as
plastic
surgery
or looking after rich
patients
and concentrate more on patient's health, no
matter
how rich they are because all of the
people
no
matter
they are rich
people
or poor
people
should have
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
potentiality to get treated equally ,and
doctors
should pay attention to patient's health more than a profit .
Submitted by patchara8633 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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