Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education, whereas others say this is no longer true. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

University is the best
place
where a student can nurture their thoughts and become bright shining stars.Some people argue that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education is now not at all considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a premium one for a student ,but
on the other hand
side most people believe that an academy is a
place
where we learn
our
Change preposition
about our
show examples
life
and its value.In
this
essay, I will analyse both viewpoints and sum up in a conclusion. Academic
life
is always considered
as
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apply
show examples
one of the
beautiful
Correct quantifier usage
most beautiful
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and memorable ones among all the
life
seasons of humans.We conquer our ambition and all the important
life
decisions are happening during that period of time,perhaps most of the critical ones.The
place
where get our
life long
Add a hyphen
life-long
show examples
friends and teachers with whom we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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most of our time
,
Remove the comma
apply
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after Parents
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
two
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
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of people always have a crucial role in our lives.University is a
place
where we study a lot of things rather than from books and
that is
called experience , which is required for a successful career and
life
as well. Even
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when we think about the other side of the coin ,tremendous
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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in technology helped to make growth easier , so as with the studies as well. The knowledge we can acquire from the internet is limitless, the lecturers happening in the classroom are all from that itself .So if we have a keen interest
to know
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in knowing
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about something internet surfing itself is the best teacher.
Moreover
, the tuition fee
that is
needed for
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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graduation or
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
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degree is much so it will always force the students to end up in
low budget
Add a hyphen
low-budget
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learning .
To conclude
, we can gather every single knowledge through the internet and will have several online platforms to get a detailed lecture on every topic for a student.
However
,
this
advancement in technology will not help us to create good relationships and bonding which contributes to the development of the interpersonal skills of a human being which in turn helps them to be successful in their
life
and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by amitha13489 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the task question. Clearly present both viewpoints and provide a balanced analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Use clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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