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Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sport or doing execercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, there is an increasing number of families that hire
a
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personal fitness rather than doing drills or playing sports classes. That trend occurs in many nations because of some backgrounds and
this
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 should be perceived as a positive trend for two main reasons. There are a few reasons behind that growing trend in terms of society's behaviour in sports.
To begin
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 with, there is a huge number of individuals who resign from their jobs and start to be a personal trainer.
Therefore
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, they will do a good campaign through their social media to earn a job,
such
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 as with Instagram, Facebook, or even Linkedin. The other reason is, with the growing number of competitors in that job sector, they will give a huge discount to people.
Consequently
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, folk will attracted and start to drill with personal trainers. Doing operations can offer some great benefits to humans.
Firstly
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, having a personal coach, means that people will have more flexible days to go to the
gym
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. They can do the exercise depending on their daily schedule. When they cannot do sport on Tuesday for example, they can contact their instructor to do the drill the next day.
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, they still doing
gym
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 on the ruining week.
Secondly
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, a personal trainer can give good
gym
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 sessions that fit their clients. As we know, many individuals start to go to the
gym
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 , not on the ideal body.
Therefore
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, an adviser cannot give hard sessions on first-time time exercises to their clients, and usually only give light exercises. It can give some benefits to their customers, not only they will interested in to the next time
gym
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, but
also
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 maintain their fitness. In conclusion, doing sports with a personal trainer not only gives guidance to first-timer people who do training but
also
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 makes folks more flexible in time to do the exercise.
Therefore
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, I, remain convinced that doing an exercise with a personal mentor is a positive thing.

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and depth of your examples to more effectively support your main points. For instance, you could provide specific scenarios where personal trainers have made a significant impact.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices such as connectors and transition words (e.g., 'moreover,' 'on the other hand,' 'in addition'). This can help in better linking the ideas between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly lays out what the essay will discuss, and make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points more effectively. This will help in achieving a more structured essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the overall coherence by refining the argumentation. Sometimes the points can appear to be somewhat disjointed; therefore, try to link the arguments back to the main thesis more consistently.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question directly and you have provided a thoughtful analysis of the reasons behind the trend.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic of the essay.
task achievement
You have successfully made a case for why having a personal trainer could be seen as a positive development.
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