IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of crime while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #crime #government #punishment
To decrease the delinquency rate,some have mentioned eradicating the contributing factors as a remedial idea,despite the opponents that have been persisting stricter penalization as a prohibiting lever.
Although
,to me preventing is more logical,which save the opportunities and
also
 the resources of the societies. One of the most highlighted radices that people are absorbed in offending activities has to do with the unequivalent punishments.If defaulters are encountered with harsh sentences as a consequence of breaking the law,
then
 they would hesitate in advance to commit.As a vivid case,the countries that have pursued
such
 schemes have been prosperous to control the safety of their vicinities.
Furthermore
,abusing the population senses is the other leading factor,which the convicted exploit from.
For instance
, by pretending to be regretted,they strive to tempt the folks to abandon theirs prosecutes,
hence
 they may get rid of jail,whereas they are daydreaming about their detrimental activities on the streets.
On the other hand
,the majority of devastating actions take place as offspring of financial problems.
Therefore
,assisting the underprivileged population can play a critical role to bestow them more tranquillity.Either creating job vacancies to be grasped by them or granting them some subsidies could somehow be profitable,while it should be spent to revise their attitudes in prisons.
Moreover
,their families would be faced with various issues while they are prisoned,which not only can ascend the illegal activities among their families to meet their needs but
also
 swell the governmental expenditures to assist their relevance for compensating the absence of their parents namely.
In other words
,the responsibility of the arrested folks should be tackled by the authorities. To recapitulate,whereas stronger sentences from courts have the capability to pull down the offending rates,it is more fruitful if allocated investments are utilised to limit the participation of lawbreaking functions.
Submitted by drpnima on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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