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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.

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In the coming years,
individuals
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 will have an enormous amount of free time as
machines
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 substitute many
individuals
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’ occupations at home and
work
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.
While
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 there will be some advantages to
this
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 trend, it
also
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 raises numerous obstacles.
This
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 essay will examine the benefits and the problems of
such
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 a trend.
To begin
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 with, the advancement of technology has practical advantages for
individuals
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.
Firstly
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, cutting-edge technologies can facilitate
individuals
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 in conducting their
work
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, making
people
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’s
jobs
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 easier, which could enhance productivity and efficiency.
For instance
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, those who
work
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 as a data specialist or call
center
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centre
show examples
 operators can leverage Artificial Intelligence, which is very useful
to reduce
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for reducing
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 their workloads.
Additionally
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,
machines
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 can
also
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 be utilized for administrative tasks,
such
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 as typing, scheduling, and summarizing documents.
Hence
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,
people
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 will be more focused on doing
work
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 that requires a strong analysis, leaving easy administrative
work
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 for the
machines
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.
Conversely
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, despite those advantages, the rapid development of technologies
also
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 poses a significant threat to
individuals
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. One notable drawback is that a substantial number of employees will be displaced from their
jobs
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, as
machines
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 or high-end technologies have taken over their
jobs
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, escalating the unemployment rate rapidly.
Consequently
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,
this
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 phenomenon leads to the dramatic decline of
people
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's quality of life and contributes to the fall of the economy.
Moreover
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,
people
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 potentially will lose their communal sense, as
individuals
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 are having more interactions with
machines
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instead
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 of human beings.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will be more individualistic in the future, removing the collegial system as a solid foundation for
people
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’s lives in the community.
To sum up
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, though the advancement of
machines
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 is instrumental, as it makes
people
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’s
jobs
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 easier and allows
people
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 to focus on heavy analysis tasks, the excessive use of
machines
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 can increase the unemployment rate and promote a more individualistic community. I believe that by using technology wisely, we can pave the way for a more prosperous future.

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language
Make sure that your essay includes a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance engagement. While your essay is clear, varied sentence structures can make your writing more dynamic.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points further. While your examples are relevant and appropriate, adding more variety could enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
Maintain coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing key points.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly supported by relevant examples, demonstrating a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
You comprehensively addressed the task, detailing both the benefits and challenges of increased leisure time resulting from technological advancements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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