IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and work. Discuss the benefits this will bring and also the problem it will cause.

#future #leisure #time #machines #tasks #home #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the coming years,
individuals
 will have an enormous amount of free time as
machines
 substitute many
individuals
’ occupations at home and
work
.
While
 there will be some advantages to
this
 trend, it
also
 raises numerous obstacles.
This
 essay will examine the benefits and the problems of
such
 a trend.
To begin
 with, the advancement of technology has practical advantages for
individuals
.
Firstly
, cutting-edge technologies can facilitate
individuals
 in conducting their
work
, making
people
’s
jobs
 easier, which could enhance productivity and efficiency.
For instance
, those who
work
 as a data specialist or call
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 operators can leverage Artificial Intelligence, which is very useful
to reduce
Change preposition
for reducing
show examples
 their workloads.
Additionally
,
machines
 can
also
 be utilized for administrative tasks,
such
 as typing, scheduling, and summarizing documents.
Hence
,
people
 will be more focused on doing
work
 that requires a strong analysis, leaving easy administrative
work
 for the
machines
.
Conversely
, despite those advantages, the rapid development of technologies
also
 poses a significant threat to
individuals
. One notable drawback is that a substantial number of employees will be displaced from their
jobs
, as
machines
 or high-end technologies have taken over their
jobs
, escalating the unemployment rate rapidly.
Consequently
,
this
 phenomenon leads to the dramatic decline of
people
's quality of life and contributes to the fall of the economy.
Moreover
,
people
 potentially will lose their communal sense, as
individuals
 are having more interactions with
machines
instead
 of human beings.
Therefore
,
people
 will be more individualistic in the future, removing the collegial system as a solid foundation for
people
’s lives in the community.
To sum up
, though the advancement of
machines
 is instrumental, as it makes
people
’s
jobs
 easier and allows
people
 to focus on heavy analysis tasks, the excessive use of
machines
 can increase the unemployment rate and promote a more individualistic community. I believe that by using technology wisely, we can pave the way for a more prosperous future.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure that your essay includes a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance engagement. While your essay is clear, varied sentence structures can make your writing more dynamic.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points further. While your examples are relevant and appropriate, adding more variety could enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
Maintain coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing key points.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly supported by relevant examples, demonstrating a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
You comprehensively addressed the task, detailing both the benefits and challenges of increased leisure time resulting from technological advancements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: