IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people feel that students perform better in school when they are rewarded, while some others feel that they perform better when they are punished.] Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #school
Students are the upcoming future of any country. The step they get acknowledged in schools and colleges are pretty different everywhere. Some believers think that reward is a better idea of encouragement while others think that suffering is a predominant approach to get success in future. In
this
 write-up, I will present to what extent I concur with the aforementioned thoughts. To commence with the reward idea, most of the people try to get more improvement in their conduct if they are rewarded for the previous one with medals, certificates and so on.
For instance
, when I was in school
then
 I was always rewarded with my optimum study achievement which kept me motivated to do more hard work
therefore
, that motivated attitude helped me a lot to polish my attributes.
Furthermore
, students and celebrities try to engage with the potential efforts to touch the sky with their empowerment attitude to get all the achievements in their fields while they are honouring time to time. To explicate, Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan is a big celebrity in India and renowned throughout the world,
although
, he was very common in his acting earlier days of his career ,eventually, he becomes a big name with his acting skills because he got awarded with every success films. On the other side, a few people argue that beating is a style to remind the individual to stick with only good works to get study achievements whether in schools or in any other fields.
For example
, some students are very low in their studies but their graph goes to a high level if they are frightened with torture
likewise
 beating and verbally
hence
 they push themselves to do an optimum achievement. To recapitulate, it can be observed that only rewards are the action to keep motivated to any achievement to a significant victory. Torture is not standing for the success story of anyone.
Submitted by khushirandhawa147 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: