Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Many
people
think that music
plays a crucial role in combining people
of different customs and ages from all over the world together. I personally agree with this
viewpoint for many reasons, described
in the following paragraph.
The major reason that folk say that Correct word choice
as described
music
is an efficient way of bringing people
who have different backgrounds together is that music
is not the language of a particular country. As a result
, Individuals from all parts of the globe can comprehend the meaning of the same song through its melody. For example
, K-pop songs are extremely popular and promulgated to
many nations. Change preposition
in
Moreover
, music
can mitigate the gap between people
in old and new generations. To illustrate, there are a number of TV shows that
old singers are invited to join the show in order to sing with adolescents.
Correct word choice
where
In addition
, music
is responsible for the community of folk from different countries and cultures. In other words
, there are numerous music
schools where students from many nations go to study such
as Berklee college
of Capitalize word
College
music
in the USA and Royal Capitalize word
Music
college
of Capitalize word
College
music
in the UK. On top of that, Capitalize word
Music
music
can bring a lot of individuals into one place. In simple terms, If the famous singers arrange their concerts, there will be a crowd of people
who will take part in their concerts.
To summarize, there are tremendous reasons why music
is a good method of bringing folk of many cultures and ages together and I strongly agree with this
viewpoint.Submitted by yanaphon.t on
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Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt in your response. The prompt asked to what extent do you agree or disagree; while you state that you agree, you could make your personal stance clearer.
Language & Vocabulary
Be consistent with the academic tone. Avoid using informal vocabulary like 'folk'.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to structure your essay in a more cohesive manner. In the paragraphs where you discuss the reasons you agree, try to start with a clear topic sentence that outlines what the paragraph will be about.
Grammar
In order to display a broader range of grammatical structures, consider including complex sentence structures such as conditionals, relative clauses and so on in your essay. This would demonstrate a higher level of control over the language.