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Band 6.5

Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the significance of sports in
people
’s
life
. While some claim that sport is a crucial part of human’s society , the opposite makes a statement that amusement is
also
 necessary. While each has its own perks, I consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of the former. On the one hand, it is understandable why some individuals argue that entertaining activities play a vital role in a human’s
life
 .
First
 of all, most of them believe that entertaining activities is one of the best options to do in their free time.
This
 would reduce their stress after working and may even bring them
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 positive feelings during doing it.
However
, if they spent long hours on entertaining activities, they would find it hard to keep up with their work. They were used to relaxing for a long period so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these
people
 are accidentally leading a sedentary lifestyle.
For example
, many researchers indicate that if
people
 spend around 8 hours a day for entertainment, they will gain many problems in thinking and memorizing.
Therefore
,
although
 leisure pursuits have some benefits, it still brings many drawbacks to
people
’s lives.
On the other hand
, playing sports partially brings many unimaginable advantages for human’s
life
, especially in improving appearance.
Firstly
, if
people
 were used to taking exercises every day, their health would receive numerous benefits. There are various types of exercises
such
 as running, swimming, jogging that help
people
 in burning calories and reduce the toxin in their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For example
, many pieces of research indicate that when
people
 take 1 hour for running, it could help
people
 to reduce 330 calories and avoid getting illnesses
such
 as digestive problems. In conclusion,
although
 many
people
 argue that leisure activity has certain benefits, I still believe that doing exercises plays a vital role in
people
’s
life
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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