There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

#music #world #country #support #arguments #evidence

In today's world, the topic concerning

music

never fails to attract public attention. In

this

era,

people

are enjoying different kinds of

music

which begs a question; Why is

music

important in our

life

? And which one is more substantial local

music

that is

recognized internationally? In my opinion, my answer is local

music

is more important than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

This

essay will show why

music

is crucial.

This

essay will

also

discuss why traditional

music

is preferable among

people

than

Change preposition

show examples

international

music

Music

is essential in our

life

. Because it recharges our batteries

peacfully

Correct your spelling

peacefully

People

could use it to decrease stress-related illnesses.

For example

, according to research, if stressed

people

listened to

music

regularly, their stress would decrease and they would enjoy their

life

. For

this

reason,

music

is be considered crucial in our

life

. It is beyond any doubt that popular and traditional

music

is more preferable among

people

than listening to

music

that is

known internationally. Because traditional

music

shapes the identity of society and gives a

sence

Correct your spelling

sense

of unity to it.

In addition

, it

also

brings good memories that

people

shared together.

For instance

, a new article found that sharing and listening to traditional

music

positively impacts communities 80% more than playing international

music

That is

why I believe that popular

music

is more valuable than

music

that is

heard all over the world. In conclusion,

music

is vital in

people

life

because it could decrease their stress.

This

article mentioned that traditional

music

is more valuable than

music

that is

recognized all over the globe because local

music

shapes the identity of the whole community.

Submitted by aymanshabakaa on Wed Feb 23 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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