IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
In the technological age today, almost all of our aspects of life have been transformed, and
this
 includes
health
care
. An improvement in
health
care
 facilities means people will live longer, and there will be more elderly to take
care
 of. Can society cope with
this
? I strongly believe that society will be able to handle and provide good
care
 for our senior citizens. To ensure that we can manage the situation, full backing is required from the government. In my country, Malaysia, we have a high proportion of elderly, and the government has helped build more hospitals and medical clinics around my area. These public clinics provide competent nurses that can help to ensure the
health
 of the elderly in a specific location.
Furthermore
, discounted prices on medical consultations and medicine are
also
 offered to the senior citizen.
On the other hand
, the private sector can play a role in taking responsibility for our elder population.
For example
, a renowned property developer in Malaysia has developed a modern old age home,
that is
 equipped with good facilities to reduce incidents in the house. On top of
this
, many employers nowadays have additional insurance coverage for the retiree, and some of them provide continuous coverage up until 80 years old.
Thus
, with the backing of private organisations, our elderly will be able to get adequate
care
. To summarise, with the full support of the public and private sectors, we as a society can definitely cope with the increase in the numbers of elderly individuals in our country. Additional hospitals and medical clinics help the elderly manage their
health
, and with more and more old people-friendly facilities are built, we can continue to give full support to our senior citizens in the country.
Submitted by izzatmbasri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: