IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions.

#quality #life #cities
In
this
 modern time, the
overall
 health and well-being of the residents are declining in huge urbanized communities. There are various reasons for
this
 trend
as well as
 actions that may be proposed to mitigate
this
. Arguably, numerous possibilities affect a person’s perception of their position in life in consideration of their aspirations and expectations. Primarily, working in metropolitan regions
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
 more time and energy, particularly for people who work in companies with 24-hour services
such
 as healthcare, hospitality, transportation, and tourism industries.
This
 results in physical and psychological exhaustion
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
city-dwellers
Correct your spelling
city dwellers
show examples
.
Moreover
, people often feel isolated from society because of the fast-paced activities in these areas. They are unable to attend social events in their locality, and they do not even know their neighbours.
Hence
, there is no sense of community and harmonious relationship.
However
, a variety of strategies to address the issue can be initiated and implemented to successfully sustain and improve the degree of contentment in their position. Policies can be crafted to safeguard their welfare
such
 as ensuring that employees are consulted in major changes that might affect them and considering alternative arrangements to foster rest and productivity. There should
also
 be facilities for recreation and social gatherings like parks, clubhouses, and conference halls where events can be held to encourage community participation even in the busy streets of the metro.
This
 will help them achieve a sense of fulfilment and live comfortably. Living in an important economic, cultural and social centre of a region can have benefits and drawbacks to an individual and it has influenced the people’s fulfilment which is notably plummeting in relation to their standards and goals. The factors causing
this
 are the physical demands of their work and the sense of belongingness in the community.
On the other hand
, interventions can be done to prevent the problem from
further
 progressing through the development of policies, and infrastructure.
Submitted by a_boncacas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, but there are areas where ideas could be better connected for clearer flow.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task but could benefit from providing more specific examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overpopulation
  • Strained resources
  • Commute times
  • Economic stress
  • Community events
  • Affordable housing
  • Environmental regulations
  • Green spaces
  • Urban environments
  • Socialize
  • Foster
  • Tackle
  • Strategies
  • Implementing
  • Pollution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: