IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others however believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Crime has become an acute issue today, with the advancement of science and technology society has become corrupted and, the crime rate has up surged
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a large scale. To tackle
this
Linking Words
, a section suggests longer prison terms, while others believe that alternative measures are the best way to mitigate crimes. Poverty and ignorance are the key main factors that lead one’s mind
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 criminal activities. According to some people, the best solution is to lock criminals up for longer, keeping society out of danger.
This
Linking Words
 is the method used by most countries today.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
since
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they believe that, punishing offenders with longer prison sentences help to invoke fear among other criminals. Because if someone
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 aware of the intensity of punishment before committing any, it will deter him to do an illegal act. According to others' points of view, jail is not a deterrent for most forms of offending. Because after they are released, society tends to judge released prisoners more harshly, before they went to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison. So
this
Linking Words
 situation encourages them to think
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 illegal activities again and again.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of extending imprisonment; prisoner’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and attitudes should be reformed against reoffending after release. So they should be undergone
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 programs, meditation programs and skill development workshops as well. In my view, I agree the alternative measures, would be more effective rather than sentencing long term imprisonment in most situations. The best way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 complication is, to give good command of education.
For example
Linking Words
, in Sweden
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 is for everyone and
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 authority is facilitating more employment opportunities, in order to
that
Add a missing verb
do that
show examples
, Sweden tops the list of peaceful countries. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
lock
Wrong verb form
locking
show examples
 up un societies for a long time, seem to be the best way to mitigate the crime level; it is not the exact solution for the problem.
Therefore
Linking Words
 governments have to
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for search the root cause and
treat
Wrong verb form
treating
show examples
 it, in order to create a peaceful world.
Submitted by thilini.da.a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: