IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some countries, children are often told that can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#countries #children #message
In present-day society, the norm anything is possible and achievable with hard work has become quite popular.
However
, in my opinion, it has its own sets of merits and demerits which I will be exploring in
this
 essay. On the one hand, inculcating a sense of optimism within children to pursue their dreams relentlessly has often led them to believe in their potential. To give a clear example, when in school, the tutor of Thomas Alva Edison had given up on him, considering him an imbecile.
However
, his mother knew that her son had talent.
Therefore
, with lots of effort and ,nurture she could enable him to achieve bigger things in life. He invented the bulb, which is the greatest invention of all time.
Also
, sometimes endeavours can surpass talent.
For instance
, a person blessed with a beautiful voice might not sing that well in comparison to a person practising singing daily.
On the other hand
, factors like luck, mental health, inborn abilities and current circumstances along with hard work determine the fruit of a person's time and dedication.To exemplify, for producing paintings like Picasso, an individual needs a genius and aesthetic bent of mind. No matter the endeavours, one might not achieve the same results.
Moreover
, only toil will not assist in reaping the benefits and
this
 concept has to be engraved in a youngster’s mind to save them from feeling inadequate.
For instance
, comparing oneself to their role model but failing to reach similar goals can hit one's self-esteem. To sum up, it is highly imperative to introduce the concept of sheer effort but with practicality.
Although
, it is necessary to give your 100% but keep in mind that there are other components to it as well and not get disheartened and blame oneself for not being able to achieve it.
Submitted by gritteam00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: