IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In the past it was only possible to contact people at home by letter or telephone. Nowadays, mobile devices mean that we can communicate with people anywhere and at any time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#contact #people #home #telephone #devices #time #outweigh
Today it is normal to send or receive a text message at any time of the day or night. A few years ago
this
 was not possible. New forms of communication are a positive development in many
people
’s lives but some
people
 find them less helpful. Before
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 became popular, life was simpler in many ways. Most
people
 contacted their friends and family by letter or their home
telephone
. Letters arrived in the morning and
telephone
 calls were made during the day and not very late at night.
Telephone
 calls were
also
 more expensive than today so
people
 used the phone less.
As a result
, there were often quiet times in a person’s life when it was possible to relax.
On the other hand
, important news was often delayed and when friends changed address and
telephone
 number, it was easy to lose contact. Now the majority of
people
 have an internet connection and a mobile phone. Some
people
 use these means of communication very frequently. They are convenient and quite cheap.
Furthermore
, Skype and similar kinds of technology for calling
people
 are free
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so there is no limit to the amount of time you can spend talking.
In addition
, quick connections mean that you can communicate instantly.
While
this
 has its positive side, there are
also
 some disadvantages
such
 as less privacy and the stress caused by friends wanting an immediate response. In conclusion, recent changes in communication have made our lives very different. In my opinion, the benefits, especially in terms of speed and price, are more important than the negative aspects.
Submitted by Federico Pivano King on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay effectively responds to the prompt, providing a clear opinion on whether the advantages of new forms of communication outweigh the disadvantages. You have addressed both the positive and negative aspects, supported by relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, with clear transitions between ideas and a well-developed introduction and conclusion. However, there are some areas where the coherence can be improved, such as the link between some ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: