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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing，while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #positions #government #thing，while
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Groups of individuals believe that the young generation holds higher
positions
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 in the government, and they believe that
this
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 is a good sign. Other
people
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 believe that higher
positions
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 are not suitable for the modern generation because of a lack of experience. The significance of both views will be analyzed and compared to identify the most convincing observation. On the one hand, the most important aspect to consider is that the young generation has modern ideas,
such
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 as technology, climate change, and education, because they have a lot of energy. They actively provide social services to deprived families, aiming to uplift poor communities.
This
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 effort helps the children of deprived families improve their education level and living standard.
As a result
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, society benefits as a whole from their contributions.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 in higher
positions
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 have the ability to resolve the problems faced by villagers,
such
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 as access to water, jobs, electricity, and other essential facilities. Since these resources are often unavailable in villages, young leaders can address these issues effectively.
As a result
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, their efforts lead to the empowerment of villagers and the
overall
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 development of rural communities.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that young individuals in higher
positions
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 lack the experience and deep knowledge required for government work. They argue that, in certain cases, young leaders may act emotionally, which can ultimately have a detrimental impact on government operations and policies. In conclusion, young
people
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 contribute significantly with their innovative ideas, abundant energy, and dedication to helping deprived families.
However
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, their lack of experience remains a challenge.
Overall
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, I believe that young
people
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 bring fresh perspectives and creativity, which are essential for progress
Submitted by harshdeepmakhan26 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, mentioning a specific government initiative led by young leaders can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all ideas within each paragraph are linked smoothly. The transition between the benefits of young leaders and their challenges could be made more seamless.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines both views and sets up the discussion logically.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your perspective, clearly stating your opinion based on the analysis provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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