IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that the decreasing population in the countryside is more and more common in modern society.
While
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks to in living a rural area, I do believe that it is more beneficial than living in
cities
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to the Earth and human health. On the one hand , I agree that more
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is more effective for a country's improvement. To be more specific, the job opportunities in
cities
Use synonyms
 are much higher, which allows
people
Use synonyms
 to receive a higher chance to earn more money than staying in the countryside.
As a result
Linking Words
, it not only can offer
people
Use synonyms
further
Linking Words
 income, but
also
Linking Words
 increase the national economic level.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, recent research indicated that the average salaries in
cities
Use synonyms
 are 20% higher than in other regions, and most of the GDP is related to it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite some benefits mentioned above, I firmly believe that excessive population has a huge impact on human well-being. There are three reasons why it influences negatively our life quality.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the high population leads to traffic jams every day, which is dangerous to the public and a massive pressure on the transport system.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the air pollution caused by excessive vehicles is hurting our Earth, which is one of the primary reasons for Global Warming.
Finally
Linking Words
, the reduction of the living space, resulting the high risk of mental illness,
such
Linking Words
 as depression, anxiety disorders and phobia.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is reasonable that
people
Use synonyms
 choose to live in
cities
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, I think it is wiser to live in rural areas to protect our environment and our health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Your essay follows a basic structure, but the transitions between ideas are not always smooth. Make sure to link your paragraphs and sentences better to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack strength and clarity. Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your standpoint, while your conclusion effectively summarises your argument without introducing new ideas.
supported main points
You've made attempts to support your points, but the development of ideas is quite surface-level. Provide deeper explanations and more varied evidence to substantiate your claims.
complete response
Your response to the topic is adequate, but you need to ensure that you're addressing all parts of the task. Be clear on how you perceive the development as positive or negative, and discuss both sides of the argument more evenly if the question requires it.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in your essay are somewhat clear and comprehensive, but they could be expressed with greater precision and detail. Aim for a more thorough exploration of the ideas related to the topic.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed. Use more precise data and real-world illustrations to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: