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Band 6

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give you own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
It is generally acknowledged by certain individuals that sharing
information
 as much as they can is beneficial in various areas in the modern era. Others argue that it is not a good idea to share specific
information
 as it is too sensitive. Regarding
this
, I strongly believe that
people
 should share norms for the advance of knowledge. On the one hand, some
people
 argue that some
ideas
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 too sensitive to share since personal
information
 may be involved.
Although
 a significant number of health care
people
 have written medical dissertations that have enhanced
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 industry, sharing these papers may hurt
participatants
Correct your spelling
participants
 since they do not want others to read about their diseases.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Korea Medical Foundation has revealed that almost 20% of candidates who have participated in certain experiences for medical advance feel uncomfortable when others read about their sexual diseases
such
 as AIDS. As the example clearly illustrates, some
imformation
Correct your spelling
information
 should be banned
sharing
Change preposition
from sharing
show examples
 due to the sensitivity of the
ideas
.
On the other hand
, through the sharing norms,
people
 can expand their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
, thereby leading to the development of various industries. Scientists and engineers can increase their knowledge
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reading an
esscessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
 amount of reports as they can find recent skills and technology.
Moreover
,
bussinessmen
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 can
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 successful because sharing
ideas
 facilitates them to search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 method that lures as many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
customers as they can.
Finally
, students can increase their
abilites
Correct your spelling
abilities
such
 as critical thinking and evaluating skills with academic norms.
Hence
, it is reasonable to point out that sharing
information
 can be an
efficent
Correct your spelling
efficient
 means of enhancing an individual's abilities.  In conclusion, while I accept that sharing
ideas
 can sometimes be rather sensitive, there is no doubt to point out that the benefits of it
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 way crucial in contemporary society.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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