IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decades, there has been a pressing issue related to whether
education
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 is a more sustainable and long-term solution for crime prevention over the major method of punishment in most regions - imprisonment. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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 statement for some reasons mentioned in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, even though imprisonment is the most prevalent way to keep dangerous individuals away from society, in the long term,
this
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 method brings several disadvantages and can not resolve the root cause of the problem. First of all, a lot of money and effort from the nation have been put into prison, which creates a financial burden on the government and increases taxes on residents
as a result
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. To illustrate,
besides
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 the budget to erect new prisons, there are other expenses that the authorities have to cover
such
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 as food and living or the salary of people managing and operating jails.
Secondly
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, there are many prisoners who re-offend after being released.
This
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 is because prison is a violent environment and is surrounded by negative individuals, which makes inmates become more dangerous after being captured.
On the other hand
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, investing in
education
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 may create significant benefits in the long run.
Firstly
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, equipping criminals with knowledge and ethical values can help them to make better life choices after reintegrating into the community. The main reason for
this
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 is that a lot of prisoners have disadvantageous backgrounds and lack
education
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, so by providing them with vocational skills, they will be able to get hired easily.
In addition
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, it is essential to involve soft skills
such
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 as empathy or critical thinking in the curriculum of younger generations.
This
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 may help them to have a proper life perspective and discourage them from engaging in criminal activities. In conclusion, I totally believe that improving
education
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 plays a crucial role in tackling the crime issue. In my point of view, local authorities should organize more rehabilitation programs and vocational training that help criminals reintegrate into society and prevent them from committing crimes again.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and states your position clearly. However, consider rephrasing the first sentence for better clarity. For example, instead of 'there has been a pressing issue related to whether education is a more sustainable and long-term solution for crime prevention over the major method of punishment in most regions - imprisonment,' you could say, 'In recent decades, a significant debate has emerged over whether education is a more sustainable solution for crime prevention than imprisonment.'
coherence and cohesion
In your second paragraph, you present two strong arguments against imprisonment, but a brief transition phrase would help connect these ideas more fluidly. Consider adding a transition like 'Moreover, another significant issue is...' to maintain flow between points.
task achievement
Your point about equipping criminals with education is very relevant and pertinent. However, adding a specific example or statistic related to the success of rehabilitation through education could strengthen your argument significantly.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is well-structured, summarizing your main arguments effectively. For improvement, you could reiterate the importance of prevention over punishment in a more compelling way by expressing what kind of societal benefits education can provide in the long term.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs that logically present and develop your ideas. Your position is consistently maintained throughout the text which contributes positively to coherence.
task achievement
You provide a strong argument for the benefits of education as a means of crime prevention, grounding your points in explanation and reasoning, which adds credibility to your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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