IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

People think that children nowadays have more freedom.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
The topic of the young generation is receiving much attention from the public. Many claimed that the kids are more and more becoming free compared to the former age. From my perspective,
although
 they escape from the severely outdated laws, they have to face the contemporary problems which have just appeared in
this
 modern era. Indeed,
children
 nowadays have fewer boundaries in several factors which were taken into account inappropriately.
Firstly
, they can have the opportunity to across the whole world through the Internet. With the appearance of new social media
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, making new friends or accessing information is easier than ever.
As a result
, the youngsters can understand the operation of the global system by Google or can have any friends of any country.
Moreover
, they are more open-minded and easy-going, who can dye their hair with brilliant colours and make up any style of distinctive culture from Asia to Euro.
However
,
this
 freedom of the 21st century establishes arrange of new problems. Because of over liberty, the youngsters concentrate too much on the online world. It is conspicuous that they make friends all over the world, but they forget about their life, about the real friend and other crucial relationships
such
 as relatives.
Moreover
,
children
 with limited knowledge sources can distinguish between good and bad trends. People can easily follow strategies about some cases like the blue whale challenge or dangerous youtube video which can lead the
children
 to do some dangerous actions on themselves. In conclusion, while freedom can bring many benefits for young generations, it seems to me that there are more compelling reasons why
this
 liberty must be restricted for
children
.
Submitted by canhsatpikachu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: