IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
Some
people
 have opinions that important for
cities
 to invest a
lot
 of money in building large outdoor public places. Really, many populated
cities
 and towns spend a
lot
 of money on the creation of new public
spaces
. Perhaps there are
people
 who
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
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 not like
this
 idea and they believe
that is
 the best way to build new buildings.
On the other hand
, it is good, because
people
 get new housing and new workplaces. How do they do it in China
.
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?
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However
, the air in
such
 countries or
cities
 of contaminated and have a bad effect on human
of
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apply
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health.
People
 get sich often allergy and have bad airway. Because of these factors, I agree that need to invest in building large outdoor public
spaces
. The practice of building public
spaces
 can be taken from the Australians.
In
Change preposition
The
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Australia have many public
spaces
 for
people
 and those
spaces
 are very modern. They
are have
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have
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 solar panels and special umbrellas from the sun.
Besides
, there plants a
lot
 of trees and flowers.
Such
 public places help
people
 to relax and gain energy. Scientists have proven that
people
 need to spend time in beautiful and peaceful places for their physical and psychological health.
Also
,
this
 is help increase life expectancy. The administration of the city where I live, invest heavily in building large outdoor public
spaces
. In recent years, we have
a
Add a missing verb
had a
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lot
 of new public gardens and parks in which
people
 relax, walk with their family and friends, have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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picnics and play sports games with their friends.
Finally
, in my opinion,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is it good that administrations
cities
 and towns invest and construct new public
spaces
 for
people
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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