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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common and governments are now encouraging business and individuals to moves out of cities to rural areas . the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

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Nowadays, most cities encounter challenges linked to overpopulation, and
as a result
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 of
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, the governments motivate firms and citizens to reside outskirts, in order to tackle
this
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 problem. The advantages of
this
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 evidently outweigh the drawbacks in terms of decreasing pollution and overcrowding. Below
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate
further
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.
Firstly
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, the primary advantage of moving to rural areas are decrease in urban air pollution.
In particular
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, emissions from vehicles and industries,
such
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 as carbon dioxide and particulate matter contribute to the majority of air pollution in the cities, causing respiratory diseases and
subsequently
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 increase of greenhouse emissions and global warming. These can influence climate change leading to hostile situations for living things.
Therefore
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, a change in location is essential. An additional reason is the reduction of crowds in common
sphere
Change the noun form
spheres
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,
such
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 as markets, apartments etc.
This
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 is significantly important , especially in terms of natural ventilation and sanitation in the cities. In order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
a
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 clean and fresh environment,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 decline in the number of occupants is required, which in turn could reduce some illnesses related to overcrowdedness,
such
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 as meningitis and will decrease transportation challenges. In conclusion, relocating from urban areas to rural space can be very challenging, especially for companies as they might have invested a lot in the current setting and
this
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 could lead to loss of goods and profits, but it is paramount for the reduction of population and to maintain climate change for the future generation. With excellent cooperation from both industries and individuals, a good and healthy environment can
be achieve
Change the verb form
be achieved
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.

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task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in capitalizing the first person singular pronoun 'I'. For example, 'Below i will elaborate further' should be 'Below I will elaborate further'.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be rephrased to be clearer, such as 'relocating from urban areas to rural space can be very challenging', which could be 'relocating from urban areas to rural regions can be very challenging'.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction, stating the advantages of moving to rural areas to counteract the effects of overpopulation.
coherence cohesion
Good use of vocabulary such as 'emissions', 'respiratory diseases', and 'overcrowding'.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and potential drawbacks of the topic, indicating a balanced view.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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