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Band 6.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
In
this
materialism
Replace the word
materialistic
show examples
 world, society tends to measure
people
’s
success
 by fortune and materiality. In my opinion, I strongly agree that because
success
 always brings treasure as well as luxury material
life
 to
people
 and I believe that environment generates a person who will be successful.
To begin
 with,
success
 brings
money
 and luxury
life
 to
people
 automatically when we are
successed
Correct your spelling
succeeded
succeed
successes
. As many famous and popular careers are created by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals, they own a great number of
money
 and
also
 acquire reputations.
For instance
, FaceBook, Taobao and Alibaba are established by successful
people
 and
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 huge
money
 to them.
Thus
,
successful
Add an article
a successful
the successful
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 always
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 great fortune and luxury materials accompany
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
In addition
, plenty of successful
people
 are made by their growing environment wich are poverty or rich. Personally speaking,
environment
Add an article
an environment
the environment
show examples
 which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
, families and friends, encouraging them to do hobbies or finding potential skills impacts individuals who achieve
success
.
Morovere
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, poverty situation
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 individuals
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 full
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ambitious, they long
money
Change preposition
for money
show examples
 to have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
life
;
hence
, they will try any method to acquire
successfulness
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
For example
, one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 had his own career now, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his parent always supported and encouraged him to do anything. Enhance, a person’s
successfulness
Replace the word
success
show examples
 is influenced by different
life
 situations and
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
around them. To sum up, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 agree that measure
success
 by how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
fortune
Change to a plural noun
fortunes
show examples
 and materials they owned, but I firmly agree that, because
those successful person
Change the determiner
that successful person
those successful people
show examples
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 we knew are owned huge wealth and good materials, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 situations how effects them.
Submitted by Nikky on

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