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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
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In
this
Linking Words
materialism
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materialistic
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 world, society tends to measure
people
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’s
success
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 by fortune and materiality. In my opinion, I strongly agree that because
success
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 always brings treasure as well as luxury material
life
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 to
people
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 and I believe that environment generates a person who will be successful.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
success
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 brings
money
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 and luxury
life
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 to
people
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 automatically when we are
successed
Correct your spelling
succeeded
succeed
successes
. As many famous and popular careers are created by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals, they own a great number of
money
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 and
also
Linking Words
 acquire reputations.
For instance
Linking Words
, FaceBook, Taobao and Alibaba are established by successful
people
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 and
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 huge
money
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 to them.
Thus
Linking Words
,
successful
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a successful
the successful
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 always
have
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has
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 great fortune and luxury materials accompany
with
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apply
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them.
In addition
Linking Words
, plenty of successful
people
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 are made by their growing environment wich are poverty or rich. Personally speaking,
environment
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an environment
the environment
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 which
are
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is
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educations
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education
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, families and friends, encouraging them to do hobbies or finding potential skills impacts individuals who achieve
success
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.
Morovere
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Moreover
, poverty situation
influence
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influences
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 individuals
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to be
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be
Change the verb form
are
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 full
of
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apply
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ambitious, they long
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money
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for money
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 to have
great
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a great
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life
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;
hence
Linking Words
, they will try any method to acquire
successfulness
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success
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.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my
friend
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friends
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 had his own career now, because
of
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apply
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his parent always supported and encouraged him to do anything. Enhance, a person’s
successfulness
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success
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 is influenced by different
life
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 situations and
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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around them. To sum up, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 agree that measure
success
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 by how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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fortune
Change to a plural noun
fortunes
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 and materials they owned, but I firmly agree that, because
those successful person
Change the determiner
that successful person
those successful people
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who
Change the pronoun
whom
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 we knew are owned huge wealth and good materials, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 situations how effects them.
Submitted by Nikky on

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