IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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It is generally considered by some
people
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 that getting more financial resources is more advantageous.
However
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,
according to
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 others, it is significant to spend leisure
time
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 by earning a lower income. I believe that greater earnings have no competition with family bonding. it is crucial to give
time
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 to family members rather than increase wealth. some individuals favour the point that having the economic advantage and limited leisure
time
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 is more beneficial because it helps to get a higher standard of living as
people
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 can complete their desires with higher income but there is a greater impact of having less free
time
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 as it is generally observed that majority of
people
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 spend their most of the
time
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 on workplace
due to
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 which they are unable to allocate
time
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 with family resulting in it reduces the intimacy among relationships .
Moreover
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 ,
people
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also
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 confront health issues
such
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 as obesity,stress and depression owing to
a hectic schedules
Correct the article-noun agreement
a hectic schedule
hectic schedules
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. One example from a survey shows that 70% of individuals have problems with anxiety because of having less
time
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.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 think that by earning less money, they can complete their basic needs mainly food, shelter and clothes as some individuals have a sense of satisfaction because they have an opportunity to devote their
time
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 to family members which ultimately strengthens the bonding.
Furthermore
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,they can participate in outdoor activities because it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not just only improves their
overall
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 development but
also
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 helps to increase socialization.
As a result
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, they can attain a balanced lifestyle.
To sum up
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, I think that spending
time
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 with family and taking care of health is more suitable than financial prosperity.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer if you explicitly state both views before expressing your opinion. This will help guide the reader's understanding of the essay's structure.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked back to the main argument. For example, add a sentence that explicitly connects health issues back to the question of time and money.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples and explanations to back up your points. While you mentioned a survey about anxiety, providing more personal examples or relatable situations could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety for better readability. Use synonyms and vary your sentence structures to enhance your writing style.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, which is essential for this type of task.
task achievement
You acknowledged both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced view before stating your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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