IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Caring for children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #mothers #fathers #childcare #courses
Children
 are the future of society. They can able to turn a new way. Many
people
 argue that every parent
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a training
course
 for childcare
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 manner. I totally agree with
this
 statement and I will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, nowadays many
parents
 are doing
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 day to night so at that time their
children
 are alone at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home.
For example
, in the modern era mother and
father
Add a comma
father,
show examples
 both
are working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 from 7 a.m to 8 p.m job in any company.
However
, they have no time for
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spring to learn things like manners and how to talk with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
. So,
Change preposition
for those
show examples
those reason
Change the determiner
that reason
those reasons
show examples
,
parents
 should be essential to the childcare training courses.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, in
this
course
, they learn new things
likewise
Rephrase
such as
show examples
 how to treat our seeds, how to control them and so on.
As a result
, their
children
 are
treating
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
 properly and behave as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Therefore
, every mother and father should join the childcare training
course
.
Furthermore
, we know
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 in the
present-day
Correct your spelling
present day
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
are used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very rough language
while
 they are talking with their
parents
for
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 friends.
For instance
, in the modern era, seeds have no manners how
to communicate
Change the verb form
communicating
show examples
 with other
people
.
As a result
, they are going
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 way and playing with their future,
as well as
 careers.
However
, when the age of
children
 is small at that time
parents
 should take part in the training
course
 and treat their
children
.
To conclude
, for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better life and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 career,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
play a vital role in life.
Hence
,
parents
 should join training courses and treat their
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 spring to how to behave with other
people
.
Submitted by shrikunjrana0612 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
Avoid repetition; try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express the same ideas.
language
Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and try to support it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing some structure to your essay.
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