Caring for children is an important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Children
Use synonyms
are the future of society. They can able to turn a new way. Many
people
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argue that every parent
need
Change the verb form
needs
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a training
course
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for childcare
for
Change preposition
in
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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manner. I totally agree with
this
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statement and I will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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with, nowadays many
parents
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are doing
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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day to night so at that time their
children
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are alone at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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home.
For example
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, in the modern era mother and
father
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father,
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both
are working
Wrong verb form
work
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from 7 a.m to 8 p.m job in any company.
However
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, they have no time for
of
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apply
show examples
spring to learn things like manners and how to talk with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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. So,
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for those
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those reason
Change the determiner
that reason
those reasons
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,
parents
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should be essential to the childcare training courses.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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, in
this
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course
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, they learn new things
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likewise
Rephrase
such as
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how to treat our seeds, how to control them and so on.
As a result
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, their
children
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are
treating
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
properly and behave as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
Therefore
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, every mother and father should join the childcare training
course
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.
Furthermore
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, we know
about
Change preposition
that
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in the
present-day
Correct your spelling
present day
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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are used
Wrong verb form
use
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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very rough language
while
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they are talking with their
parents
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for
Correct your spelling
or
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friends.
For instance
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, in the modern era, seeds have no manners how
to communicate
Change the verb form
communicating
show examples
with other
people
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.
As a result
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, they are going
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
way and playing with their future,
as well as
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careers.
However
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, when the age of
children
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is small at that time
parents
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should take part in the training
course
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and treat their
children
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.
To conclude
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, for
the
Correct article usage
a
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better life and
good
Correct article usage
a good
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career,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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play a vital role in life.
Hence
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,
parents
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should join training courses and treat their
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
spring to how to behave with other
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shrikunjrana0612 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
Avoid repetition; try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express the same ideas.
language
Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly with verb forms, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and try to support it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, providing some structure to your essay.
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