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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss the advantages of both. Then state which situation you prefer and why.

#people #circle #relationships #situation
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Choosing how many friends to have may be a difficult decision everybody faces. Having large social circles is an issue which brings benefits
such
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 as getting access to more opportunities,
as well as
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 drawbacks including the lack of confidence within. The main advantage of belonging to big groups is the increase in chances
such
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 as job offers and all kinds of information. As more people are known through the circle, it is more likely to find someone who could be interested in the talent of a
person
Use synonyms
. There could be,
for example
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, the case where an English teacher gets to a school director who is looking for a replacement. Apart from that, diversifying the social links is
also
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 important for human development. In the way of hanging out with many others, an individual has been listening to different views of the world,
different
Correct word choice
and different
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 life’s living experiences, among other teachings.
On the other hand
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, the benefit of having few networks and close relationships is the high levels of confidence members might develop with each other. Depending on what is crucial for a
person
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, some may prefer to be part of groups where they feel secure about what is said or done within the circle. Usually,
this
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 will be more fundamental if the
person
Use synonyms
 is older and is not looking for friends to spend the weekend.
This
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 can apply
also
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for
Change preposition
to
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 anyone who in the past has come through bad situations and now is trying to be around people who might give them support. In conclusion, expanding the social spaces where a
person
Use synonyms
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 socialize allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
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 find windows of access to professional possibilities which could be hard to find;
however
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, maintaining close relationships can enforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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confidence in a more desirable form within the group.
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task response
Well done! Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively by discussing the advantages of both having a large social circle and a few close relationships, and then stating your preference.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing the advantages of each option, and a conclusion. Work on improving the connection between your ideas in some parts for better coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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