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Band 6.5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from an academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

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There has been a discussion revolving around the
pressure
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 that children are facing nowadays. Some people believe that in today’s world
kids
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 have to face more
pressure
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 from an academic, social and commercial perspective. In
this
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 essay, I will look into the causes of
this
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 problem and will give some solutions to
this
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 issue. First and foremost,
parents
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' need for children's best academic results puts a lot of
pressure
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.
Parents
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 usually do not understand how they put
pressure
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 on
kids
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 for their studies.
For example
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, being angry at
kids
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 for a bad grade demotivates them to study even more and not only puts
pressure
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 but
also
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 creates a worse relationship with
parents
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.
Secondly
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, not fitting into social norms creates a fear of isolation.
Kids
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 must act and even look by norms and social
trends
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 so that they can be more socially free.
For instance
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, following fashion
trends
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 and having the most stylish closet lets younglings have more friends than those who dress differently and have their own sense of style. Another cause of
pressure
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 is created by the commercial perspective. The need to have items that are trending at the moment and the fear of not being up to date create
pressure
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 and fear of missing out.
This
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 can even lead to some psychological issues. There are several solutions to
this
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 problem. Educating
parents
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 on how to talk with their
kids
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 about difficult school issues could prevent
kids
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 from academic
pressure
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.
For instance
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, students who know that they can always talk with their
parents
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 about their educational results can reach even higher grades and get into even better universities. Influencers showing that not following
trends
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 and creating one’s personal style has a positive impact would prevent
kids
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 from social isolation.
This
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 would give children more confidence and help release stress
coming
Verb problem
apply
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because of their looks. Choosing not to follow
trends
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 and breaking normal standards created by society would
also
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 help secure
pressure
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.
To sum up
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, even though
kids
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 are facing more
pressure
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 from academic, social and commercial perspectives, there are still solutions to lower
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear, detailed thesis statement is presented in your introduction to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments and provide solid backing for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating stronger, more distinct topic sentences for each paragraph that clearly state the main idea you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of transitional phrases to smoothly link ideas between paragraphs and within them to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising your conclusion to more effectively summarize your main points and reiterate the importance of the topic at hand, providing a strong closing to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • globalized economy
  • rigorous testing
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • comparisons
  • aggressive marketing tactics
  • culture of consumerism
  • parental expectations
  • standardized testing
  • holistic approaches
  • life skills
  • creative subjects
  • digital literacy
  • critical thinking
  • social media pressures
  • supportive environments
  • regulating advertising
  • consumerism
  • material possessions
  • values of contentment and self-worth
  • open channels of communication
  • mental health education
  • readily available resources
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