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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

#people #jobs #work #months #year #rest #time
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Nowadays, individuals tend to
work
Use synonyms
 for several months a year and spend the rest of
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 on leisure things. While others believe that it’s necessary to keep a full-
time
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job
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 to fulfil family needs. To me, both views have their own benefits, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss
this
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 topic from different perspectives and confirm my own opinion. On one hand, the development of society and the economy has changed in recent decades, individuals have more opportunities to choose their lifestyle.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
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 are able to
work
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 for a flexible occupation due to the nature of their
job
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 is easy to allocate working
time
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.
In particular
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, the self-media owner, who cooperate with the customer to select a product, promote branding and host online sales during peak season, like The Black Friday in west countries, and double eleven shopping festival in China, the high return to self-media KOL allow them to
work
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 for several months a year and release them to enjoy rest of
time
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 for leisure.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 prefer to keep
Use synonyms
work-life
Add an article
a work-life
show examples
 balance, they lower their desirable
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 materials to exchange free
time
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 for more care
about
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for
show examples
 their health physically and mentally.
Lastly
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, artists tend to teach three days per week in school, the rest of
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 they try different things to light up inspiration, which would support
in
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apply
show examples
art creation to fulfil
Add an article
a dream
the dream
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dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
artistical.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 not only
work
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 for earning money or fulfil artistic pursuits but
also
Linking Words
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 hired
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the position based on a sense of responsibility.
For example
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,
people
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work
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 as
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and soldiers, their
job
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 indispensably should rate at the highest ranking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society since they are saving
life
Add an article
a life
show examples
, educating children and protecting the
people
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 of the country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a full-
time
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job
Use synonyms
 is suitable for
people
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 who get married with kids, a stable income by full-
time
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job
Use synonyms
 is important for a family to buy nutritious food or promote study skills for kids. In conclusion, both of those choices have their own reasons and contribute the same to society, human is free to make their decision upon on for themselves,
which
Change preposition
about which
show examples
 type of
work
Use synonyms
 they prefer.
Submitted by yell00 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • pursue
  • self-development
  • life satisfaction
  • balance
  • job security
  • financial instability
  • stress and anxiety
  • unemployment
  • long-term financial commitments
  • diverse experiences
  • employability
  • broader perspective
  • adaptable
  • innovative
  • career progression
  • benefits
  • personal growth
  • financial security
  • invest
  • career milestones
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