IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to reduce the crime by young people is to teach parents good parenting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Although
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 many people have a suggestion that guiding the parents about nurturing
of
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apply
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children
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 is an excellent approach for
decline
Wrong verb form
declining
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 the offences done by youngsters. I think in a reverse manner and disagree to a major extent with
this
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 notion. My inclination is justified
further
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 with reasons and examples. To embark, the foremost argument to prove my view is that increase the employment opportunities across the nation. To elaborate on
this
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, it has been observed that the main cause is joblessness which affects the younger generation to involve in burglary and organized
crime
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. They are inclined to do wrongdoings in order to earn money and fulfil their needs.
Thus
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, authorities should provide ample job chances in society to overcome
this
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 issue.
For instance
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, according to a survey conducted by the
crime
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 branch in Ahmedabad, it is proven that most of the victims are confirmed a similar reason behind their criminal incidence is poverty.
Furthermore
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, the influence of media platforms should be regulated by central governing bodies.
This
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 means,
the
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that the
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 scenes shown in movies: drug abuse, and violent fights, motivated
children
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 to do the same in their real lives. They can learn not only blackmailing but
also
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 substance trafficking.
As a result
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, they may become a juvenile delinquent at a later stage.
Therefore
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, to deter the
crime
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 ratio among the youth government ought to pass a law for the media industry to censor some areas of movies.
On the other hand
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, others claim that parents need to learn about the upbringing of
children
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.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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parenting
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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significantly impacts young minds. It is proven by the psychological department of
children
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 at Mumbai hospital that
a
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at a
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growing age they can learn better about any aspect of life whether educational or social. Ergo, if parents imparted ethical information to their younger ones since childhood henceforth, they may not contribute to any circumstances of the
crime
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 at their young age.
Nevertheless
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, they missed the other aspects which would be the main cause to carry out criminal actions for the younger generation. In conclusion, notwithstanding appropriate upbringing is imperative to fight against misdeed, the leading reasons
such
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 as unemployment and media influence can not be overlooked in order to prevent the ratio of
crime
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 among the young individuals.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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