IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

day our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, computer
technology
Use synonyms
 underpins critical sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
communication
Use synonyms
, medicine, and transport.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
this
Linking Words
 heavy reliance creates risks, I disagree that it leads to a dangerous situation.
Instead
Linking Words
, I believe the benefits far outweigh any threats, provided adequate safeguards are in place.
Firstly
Linking Words
, digital
technology
Use synonyms
 has revolutionized global
communication
Use synonyms
, enabling seamless connectivity across vast distances. The internet, mobile networks, and AI-driven platforms facilitate instant interactions, fostering economic growth and global collaboration.
While
Linking Words
 concerns regarding cyberattacks and misinformation exist, proactive investments in cybersecurity and digital literacy help mitigate these risks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, despite its challenges, modern
communication
Use synonyms
 infrastructure remains secure and indispensable.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in medicine, computer-based technologies have transformed patient care, diagnostics, and research. Advanced imaging techniques, robotic-assisted surgeries, and AI-driven diagnostic tools enhance precision, reducing medical errors and improving treatment outcomes. Electronic health records streamline patient management,
while
Linking Words
 telemedicine expands access to healthcare.
Although
Linking Words
 system failures or data breaches may occur, redundant networks and stringent security protocols significantly minimize these risks, ensuring the continued advancement of medical care. In transportation, computers optimize logistics, enhance air traffic control, and improve vehicle automation, making travel safer and more efficient. Intelligent traffic management systems reduce congestion, and AI-powered predictive maintenance prevents mechanical failures.
While
Linking Words
 concerns persist over self-driving
technology
Use synonyms
, ongoing innovation and strict regulatory oversight enhance safety measures, reinforcing the reliability of modern transportation networks. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 reliance on computer
technology
Use synonyms
 presents certain vulnerabilities, its advantages in
communication
Use synonyms
, healthcare, and transport are indisputable. Rather than perceiving technological dependence as a threat, efforts should prioritize strengthening cybersecurity and system resilience. With continued innovation and proper oversight, computer-driven advancements will continue to elevate global efficiency, security, and quality of life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen points made about telecommunications and healthcare advancements. Providing specific instances will make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea and seamlessly transitions from one to the next for clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear, structured argument that balances both sides of the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
Well-defined introduction and conclusion frame your arguments nicely, providing a cohesive overview of the essay's purpose.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: