IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #education #adults
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The vast majority of the population deems that
although
Linking Words
 the primacy of educating society members under 17 is crucial, more attention and funding need to point
at
Change preposition
to
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adults
Use synonyms
. I am not in agreement with the opinion of
majority
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the majority
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 and reflect my own view
over
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on
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this
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 common issue. On the
one
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 hand, it can be spotted that the
adults
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usually seen
Add the auxiliary verb
are usually seen
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 as people who are studying
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for bachelor
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bachelor
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bachelor's
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 or master’s
degree
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degrees
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 who are actually
one
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 step away from employment. Those in
favor
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favour
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 of grown-ups have valid reasons to be concerned about the future of a country as
past
Correct article usage
the past
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generation
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generations
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often
Add a missing verb
is often
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replaces
Wrong verb form
replaced
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 by
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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.
In other words
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, if the governments fail to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the undergraduates’ needs
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for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 instance, it will become
increasingly
Correct article usage
an increasingly
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 important hazard
toward
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in
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 every possible field by hiring
not
Correct article usage
a not
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 proficient workforce in the future. The dearth in
one
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’s bank account will be
a
Change the article
the
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 main turning point which is overall disturbance from academic life. The advocates of
this
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 view use those facts to urge the government to pay attention to ongoing problems
of
Change preposition
in
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adults
Use synonyms
’ life.
On the other hand
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, those who argue against
this
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 contention point to the schools as
one
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 we should be
concerning
Replace the word
concerned
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 about more basically. In fact, youngsters usually get most of their essential knowledge for life before turning 18.
Further
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 and more importantly,
adults
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 legally can take care of themselves since they are mature enough to work and live independently all alone while young people have no rights like those and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 to do so as the name suggested.
Thus
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, we could put the future in
even
Correct article usage
an even
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 more dangerous situation by altering the main focus to
adults
Use synonyms
. To conclude, I strongly believe that funding for
adult’s
Change noun form
adult
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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important
Add a missing verb
is important
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 but not as crucial as
younger
Add an article
a younger
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 because of
age
Add an article
the age
an age
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 difference.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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