IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some cities create housing for their growing population by providing taller buildings. Other cities create housing by building on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

#cities #population #buildings #areas #land
Housing turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a key obstacle in many metropolitan cities in the world
although
, authorities in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
globe
Correct article usage
the globe
show examples
 overcame
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 creating skyscrapers other cities solved their population crowd staying issue
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 making wider homes
instead
.
Firstly
,
History
Correct article usage
the History
show examples
 of the buildings in the past illustrates, a planty of the wide-made buildings as our ancestors select to stay in
this
 sort of houses because of their comforts. Contractions
such
 as villas usually have a yard which families can connect with nature and enjoy activities
such
 as gardening.
Also
, in some cases because of less technology involved in building wider architectures they are considerably cheap and affordable.
For instance
, in many areas of the USA people prefer to select to stay in villas as they are much cheaper than
scyscrapers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
.
Additionally
, wide edifices tend to be safer and more reliable.
This
 sort of
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
proven
Add a missing verb
has proven
show examples
 to be stronger in the case of earthquakes. When a construction
built
Add a missing verb
is built
show examples
 on a wider land there would be more freedom to run away from the disasters
such
 as earthquakes or Tsunamis.
Also
, they are environment friendly, most of these scriptures have been
building
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 much far from city centres which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lessen the deoxid carbon emission as fewer cars will be used to commute.
For example
, they need less transportation for sending children to school. All in all,
however
, some think skayscraptures are a perfect remedy for most
over polluted
Add a hyphen
over-polluted
show examples
 cities I believe,
creating
Correct word choice
that creating
show examples
 larger homes should be taken as an acceptable solution because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they are comfortable, economical and environmentally friendly.
Submitted by parafik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: