IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Only rich people should donate to charity. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #charity
Poverty has always been deemed
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a major global problem which is even more alarming during the COVID-19
pandemic
. It is widely argued that only the wealthy should do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
philanthropy.
Although
 some compelling evidence supporting
this
 opinion could be found, I firmly believe that individuals and charitable organizations should
also
 be responsible for
this
. On the one hand,
people
 from high-income families have the ability to donate to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity. Advocates of
this
 opinion insist that with huge financial background and authority, the rich could donate a large sum of money to impoverished
people
, especially those who are suffering from starvation and illness in the COVID-19
pandemic
.
For example
, Elon Musk, one of the richest billionaires today, has recently paid up to 6
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 dollars to solve the global hunger crisis.
Additionally
, wealthy
people
 could
also
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 more civilized society
as a result
 of the improvements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the poor’s lives. As having sufficient money to afford the basic needs in life,
people
 from disadvantaged
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 are encouraged to enter
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
,
avoid
Correct word choice
and avoid
show examples
 committing crimes, which would
therefore
 form a safer society.
On the other hand
, I believe that
people
 from middle-income families and several charitable organizations are
also
 required to contribute to the donation.
First
 and foremost, despite not having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive wealth, those in the middle class can provide
people
 in need with inexpensive yet essential items in emergencies
such
 as
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
 or
pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
show examples
. In
this
 way, some food, drink and clothes, which are delivered to them, are enough for them to get by.
Secondly
, organizations
such
 as the
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
 should
also
 share the responsibility of improving the quality of life for those with disadvantaged backgrounds.
For instance
, during the COVID-19
pandemic
,
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
 should contribute to gathering
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 quarantine areas so as to help those who are contracted
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 virus. In conclusion, even though the rich
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the ability to spend on donation, I support the joint effort of the three different parties.
Submitted by linhke3405 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • philanthropy
  • broader spectrum
  • mutual aid
  • affluent
  • foundations
  • oversimplifies
  • multifaceted
  • socioeconomic
  • inclusive
  • democratizing donations
  • online fundraising platforms
  • social media campaigns
  • micro-donations
  • driving social change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: