Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#wealth #guarantee #happiness

In human lives,

although

money

is important to live a high-quality life, ıt does not bring happiness. Many

people

think that

money

is everything but

also

it is not because if there is no

health

money

will be useless. I partly agree with

this

statement because individuals need it to live more comfortable and protect their

health

or mentality. Both of these viewpoints will be outlined in detail before concluding.

To begin

with, recent research suggests that focusing on

money

can be detrimental for many

people

Therefore

, the damage caused by

money

varies considerably depending on both affecting human lives and mental

health

People

usually want to earn a lot of

money

to stay in a good house and to drive a pretty car.

For instance

, Warren Buffett is the richest man in the world. if he wants, he can buy a lot of things but he does not buy them because he earned difficult conditions a few years ago. Indeed, individuals suppose to look for happiness but Warren Buffett spends

health

most of his

money

in a hospital.

On the other hand

, according to some

people

money

can open the door to happiness ,especially while young. Why, citizens who want to be rich want to be happy but not only own themselves and

also

the

people

they love and when they find the

money

, they feel own something as prestigious which will make them look like an important person. To sum up, at

first

glance,

money

may look like an important thing but ,

actually

Add a comma

,actually

show examples

money

is just a tool to improve their lives. 259

Submitted by ozbekibrahimcan on Sun May 29 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

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Many university graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession, what factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opnion, should be done about it?

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