Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

Contemporary society is known as the era of urbanisation. From
this
aspect,
parks
and agricultural land are replaced by the development of new accommodation facilities. In my opinion, decreasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parks
and farmland is a negative development. Evidently, if the governments and businesses build more apartments or
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the place
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
used to be the
parks
, it might lead to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
of wild animals and
insect
Fix the agreement mistake
insects
show examples
in the city
such
as bees, birds, and squirrels.
This
is because, the majority of
Add an article
the park
show examples
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
include plenty of trees and flowers that allow the wild animals and insects to survive in the city since those are not only
habitat
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habitats
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
food for them and some species have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
role in the environment. To exemplify, it is true that if bees
are vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
show examples
, it leads to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
of plenty of plants, especially flowers which need external help in order to reproduce. What is more, the squirrels bury
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
number of nuts in the ground mostly acorns for
storage
Replace the word
storing
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
food during
winter
Add an article
the winter
show examples
season, but they are not able to remember all spots where they
buried
Add a missing verb
were buried
show examples
. It allows the acorn tree to grow in the new place.
Thus
, if the wild animals and insects are disappeared, it will accelerate global warming.
Nevertheless
, the population is growing rapidly around the world as life expectancy increases due to advanced medical technology and providing
of
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apply
show examples
health welfare
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
the governments, particularly, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed countries.
Accordingly
, there are more elderly individuals in the urban area compared to
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past because of the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
society.
Therefore
, the
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
housing in the cities have been increasing for the
last
decades.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
older people need health care. In
this
case, if there are cure
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
in the city
instead
of
parks
or agricultural land, it will be effective for them.
This
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they do not need to move
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the other area or take their car
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long
distance
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distances
show examples
. To sum up,
although
Add an article
the construct
show examples
construct
Replace the word
construction
show examples
of new
accommodation
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accommodations
show examples
might have a positive effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
elderly citizens, it will lead to
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
in the
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
.
Submitted by shoep11 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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