IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
Contemporary society is known as the era of urbanisation. From
this
 aspect,
parks
 and agricultural land are replaced by the development of new accommodation facilities. In my opinion, decreasing
of
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apply
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parks
 and farmland is a negative development. Evidently, if the governments and businesses build more apartments or
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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at
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in
show examples
 the place
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 used to be the
parks
, it might lead to
extinction
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the extinction
show examples
 of wild animals and
insect
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insects
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 in the city
such
 as bees, birds, and squirrels.
This
 is because, the majority of
Add an article
the park
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park
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parks
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 include plenty of trees and flowers that allow the wild animals and insects to survive in the city since those are not only
habitat
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habitats
show examples
,
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apply
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 but
also
 food for them and some species have
significant
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a significant
show examples
 role in the environment. To exemplify, it is true that if bees
are vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
show examples
, it leads to
extinction
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the extinction
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 of plenty of plants, especially flowers which need external help in order to reproduce. What is more, the squirrels bury
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of nuts in the ground mostly acorns for
storage
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storing
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their
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of their
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 food during
winter
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the winter
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 season, but they are not able to remember all spots where they
buried
Add a missing verb
were buried
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. It allows the acorn tree to grow in the new place.
Thus
, if the wild animals and insects are disappeared, it will accelerate global warming.
Nevertheless
, the population is growing rapidly around the world as life expectancy increases due to advanced medical technology and providing
of
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apply
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health welfare
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 the governments, particularly, in
the
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apply
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developed countries.
Accordingly
, there are more elderly individuals in the urban area compared to
the
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in the
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 past because of the
aging
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ageing
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 society.
Therefore
, the
demands
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demand
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of
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for
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 housing in the cities have been increasing for the
last
 decades.
Moreover
, most
of
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apply
show examples
older people need health care. In
this
 case, if there are cure
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 in the city
instead
 of
parks
 or agricultural land, it will be effective for them.
This
 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 they do not need to move
into
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to
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 the other area or take their car
in
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apply
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long
distance
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distances
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. To sum up,
although
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the construct
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construct
Replace the word
construction
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 of new
accommodation
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accommodations
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 might have a positive effect
for
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on
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 elderly citizens, it will lead to
critical
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a critical
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problem
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problems
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 in the
environments
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environment
show examples
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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