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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #lives #values #customs #pity
Certainly,
people
's lives have become more and more comfortable today due to their
hard
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and consumerist values,
however
, some feel pity that many traditions have been replaced and I generally agree with
this
 view. There are many convenient and pleasant areas in
people
's daily lives and one is that they can use laptops, tablets or other mobile devices
such
 as smartphones to shop online without time and places being limited.
This
 is evident in China today, where a variety of online shops provide not only products covering all categories, but
also
 quick delivery free of charge.
As a result
, consumers may well have more choices and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 shopping experience. Another is that workers can buy tasty
food
 by ordering on a
food
 delivery app when they are busy working. Many employees find themselves in their workplaces for longer hours or at irregular times because of sizeable workloads or employer requirements, invariably making them difficult to prepare meals for themselves. Buying
food
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 one touch potentially saves their time and gives them an opportunity to enjoy their favourite dishes.
Nevertheless
, there could be some vanishing traditions.
Firstly
, with the growth of consumerism, fewer
people
 purchase items and use them as long as possible.
For instance
, many young girls affected by influencers on social media and fashion magazines often buy clothes seasonally and throw them easily when they go out of fashion, which arguably means they tend to not lead a frugal lifestyle and no longer insist
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 traditional values
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
be thrifty.
Secondly
,
people
 buy more snacks and convenience foods now rather than cook traditional cuisine by themselves. They gradually develop a dependence on fast
food
 and pre-prepared meals as they are cheap to buy and easy to cook, potentially suggesting they are less likely to learn their grandmothers' dishes, and
this
 ultimately results in some classic family recipes becoming
disappear
Wrong verb form
disappearing
show examples
. In conclusion, I feel
although
 our lives have been better by purchasing a wider range of commodities, it is a shame to lose our traditions in the course of time.
Submitted by 1193894576 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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