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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Music
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 brings many joys and benefits to
people
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. For me, I firmly stand with the statement that
music
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 is a great way of bonding
people
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 no matter where they come from and what their ages are.
To begin
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 with,
music
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 is something that accompanies us throughout our life. As children, we have been taught to sing songs by our parents and teachers in order to learn our culture, language, and value. Folk songs can easily bring different generations to connect to each other.
Moreover
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, even
people
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 who feel
painful
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pain
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 can calm down after listening to the
music
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.
For example
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, before getting the psychotherapy, the clinic always plays
music
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 that makes
people
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 relax.
As a result
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, patients would be more willing to talk to doctors in the therapy.
In addition
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,
music
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 is so powerful that even
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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from foreign cultures can easily get the emotion in it.
For instance
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 do not know how to speak Korean, whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
K-pop
music
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 is so popular that even BTS, one of the Korean groups, had been invited to give a speech at the United Nations. Since English is an international language, English songs create a huge community from different backgrounds and cultures. There are many famous singers
such
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 as Lady Gaga and Beyonce that audiences sing together and
great
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greet
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 each other during the concert.
Finally
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, there are some musicians
Correct pronoun usage
who play
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play
Wrong verb form
played
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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musical instruments
such
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 as violins, flutes, and cellos during the war to convey their feelings. Even
people
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 from foreign countries can feel their
helpless
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helplessness
show examples
 and sadness from their
music
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. In conclusion,
music
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 is a necessary part of human existence. I believe that
music
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 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 together, regardless of their cultures and ages.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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