IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the experience children have before they go to school will have greater effect on their future life. Others argue that experience gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #children #school #effect #future #life #teenagers #influence
While certain individuals believe a brighter
future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 youngsters is attributed to the practical knowledge they
acquires
Change the verb form
acquire
show examples
 before enrolling
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
school
, others are of opinion that
experience
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a great effect when
receive
Change the verb form
receiving
show examples
 during adolescence age.
This
 essay will examine both views and in my own opinion, gaining
experience
 before academy life is the best. On the one hand, undergoing
experience
 before attending
school
 has a better effect on younger ones in their later lives because their brain is still fresh,
hence
, making
acquisition
Add an article
the acquisition
show examples
 of knowledge to be easy for them.
In addition
,
this
experience
 acquired would be useful to them in tackling any challenges that
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 their way when they later
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
school
.
For instance
, a child that has been playing games that require critical thinking will find it easy to deal with some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
 as mathematics in
school
.
On the other hand
, there is a greater influence
towards
Change preposition
on
show examples
 achieving a successful life in the
future
 when
receive
Change the verb form
receiving
show examples
 experiences during adolescence age.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the individual is now getting mature and will be able to
differenciate
Correct your spelling
differentiate
 to some extent between bad and good
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, the knowledge or skill gained will be put into practice immediately to achieve their goals.
For example
, an individual that has
undergo
Change the form of the verb
undergone
show examples
 an argumentative presentation when in
school
 will be able to defend a project excellently when he/she
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 working. As far as I'm concerned, I believe
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
 a child
receive
Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
show examples
 before
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 schooling will help to broaden
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their horizon, they will be able to build on it when they grow up and
this
 will lead to a better
future
. In conclusion, while some people believe
experience
 receive during teenager has
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 success in
future
 , I'm in support
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those that opined to gain it before attending
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
 institution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: