IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some companies sponsor sports as away to advertise themselves. Some think it is good while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Although
Linking Words
 it is often thought that firms promote
sports
Use synonyms
 in order to get their
products
Use synonyms
 advertised. Other people think that it is
Correct your spelling
beneficial
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beneficia l
Correct your spelling
beneficial
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 to the athletes while some believe that it has some drawbacks. In my opinion, I consider that companies promoting athletes will help them to perform better. On the one hand, industries that
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
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sports
Use synonyms
 provide
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 and outfits
such
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 as Jersey,
boots
Correct word choice
and boots
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 free to the team members which they cannot afford.
This
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 reduces unnecessary stress and pressure on the players and I agree. In order words, having
equipment
Add an article
the equipment
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 needed for tournaments helps players to focus more on the game.
For instance
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, the Nigeria brewery company were the ones that sponsored Chelsea football club earlier
this
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 year during
champions
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the champions
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 league season, because they had influencers, they had nothing to worry about which made them
to
Change the verb form
apply
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focus on the game and
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finally
Add a comma
,finally
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 they won the trophy.
Furthermore
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, whenever a team have a financial backup they tend to do well in order to put
smile
Add an article
a smile
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 on the faces of their supporters.
On the other hand
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, some companies advertise
products
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 that are harmful to health and as
such
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 should not be allowed to promote events
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for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, tobacco factories
advertises
Change the verb form
advertise
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 the need to use their
products
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 despite the
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
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 effect on human health. More so,
sports
Use synonyms
 event is not age advised, everyone watches
sports
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 both young and old,
therefore
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 promoting
products
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 that should not be used by youngsters ought to be prohibited . In conclusion,while people may vary, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
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 think that team members stand a better chance to win every competition if they are sponsored by companies irrespective of their
products
Use synonyms

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sponsorship
  • Visibility
  • Brand alignment
  • Financial backing
  • Commercialization
  • Authenticity
  • Advertisements
  • Corporate presence
  • Ethical considerations
  • Bias
  • Mainstream
  • Neglecting
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
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