Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

In
this
commercial world, some
people
measure everything in terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. Some economists claim that
happiness
can be achieved using money and some individuals deny that viewpoint. In my perspective, knowledge and
happiness
do not rely on financial status rather it
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
on human
health
and milestone achievements. To commence with, one cannot deny that wealth can buy comfort but not
health
. To explain more, some
people
can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich but unhappy due to their ill
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. To illustrate, some
people
might have a lot of bank balance but that will not save their lives when their crucial internal organs
Add a missing verb
are damage
show examples
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
,
as a result
, they lose
happiness
.
On the other hand
, some citizens who are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
line or
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
families spend their quality time with their family and friends
happily
Replace the word
happy
show examples
as they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
health
. To provide a practical example, recently the Srilankan government is facing
bankruptancy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
,
however
, their citizens do not lose their hope and
happiness
as they have good
health
.
Thus
,
this
is one of the reasons our
ancistors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
often used
proverb
Correct article usage
the proverb
show examples
"
health
is wealth".
Besides
health
, some
people
celebrate different
occassions
Correct your spelling
occasions
for their shot and
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
accomplishments in various stages of their life irrespective of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
economic stability.
For instance
, students celebrate when they achieve
desired
Correct pronoun usage
their desired
show examples
grade, employees party
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
promotions, parents organize
event
Add an article
an event
the event
show examples
for their
first
baby and many more goalposts that makes human beings happier
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
motivated. These small or big achievements keep
people
happier which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
no where
Join the words
nowhere
show examples
related to their revenue.
Similarly
, when we consider happy citizens they are everywhere from
below poverty
Add a hyphen
below-poverty
show examples
countries to developed nations even though they do not have access to basic
necessaties
Correct your spelling
necessities
.
Finally
, to recapitulate, some believe money can buy everything in life;
however
,
personally
Replace the word
personal
show examples
money is just one factor that sometimes helps to buy comforts but not enjoyment
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
human feelings, family, well-being and milestone accomplishments that contribute to laughter.
Submitted by rana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: