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Band 7

Do you agree with gun possession in public to protect lives ?

#gun #possession #lives
There has been an increasing number of crimes breaking out in today’s society and some of them even lead to loss of life. Under the circumstances, some advocate for legalising
gun
possession
 so as to protect themselves and their families.
However
, I strongly argue that the introduction of
this
 law will aggregate the situation, as the level of crime will be far more violent, resulting in the
police
 not being able to ensure the safety of public citizens.
To begin
,
gun
possession
 in the public domain will significantly increase the average crime level. As it stands, the process of owning a private
gun
 is rigorous in most countries,
as a result
, few incidents involve
gun
 usage.
However
, if the government enforced the law, it can be easily anticipated that more and more criminals would threaten to murder people in order to attain their missions.
Hence
, the more prevalent
gun
possession
 is, the more dire crimes will occur.
Additionally
, the ubiquity of
gun
 possessions will bring a substantial challenge to the
police
. As a general rule, it is only the
police
 that can own guns. In light of
this
, criminals are inclined to be intimated by the
police
’s actions as there is a chance of them being shot
while
 committing a crime.
Nevertheless
, with criminals having their own guns, they can now equally combat the
police
, which induces losing the
police
’s power and authority.
Hence
, no authorities can guarantee the safety of the public. In conclusion, from my perspective, not only does
gun
possession
 elevate the rate of crimes involving
gun
 usage, but it will
also
 deprive the
police
 of their vital function.
Thus
, I believe that general citizens should not be allowed to have a
gun
 for their own protection.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that is directly related to the question, and expand on this with specific examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop paragraphing skills by starting with a topic sentence followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that neatly ties back to the topic to enhance logical flow and clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the connections between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.
Language
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency and fluidity in expressing ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider examining both sides of the argument, even if you are taking a clear position, to demonstrate an understanding of different perspectives, which enriches task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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