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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#violence #playgrounds #parents #children
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It is obvious that
violence
 in playgrounds is more common and common.
However
, it is crucial that
parents
 should teach students or adolescents not to hit back at bullies. But others teach them to do that they can protect themselves. In my view, both the ways have a bit true. To commence with,
parents
 have a responsibility to teach
children
 to ensure safety when they have encountered troubles. In case of being bullied, they should not fight back against bullies to protect themselves. If they face problems, they should find someone whom they are trusted
such
 as a teacher or an adult rather than solved them
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
violence
.
Additionally
, it is important that
parents
 should teach their
children
 not to promote
violence
. They maintain that
this
 way led to deter bullies from fighting.
On the other hand
, teaching youngsters to fight back leads to the harm than good and it can cause negative behaviours. In some ,case it cannot be solved by
violence
 and it may be more serious and make itself terribly.
Thus
,
parents
 said that they ought to reflex to save themselves.
Moreover
,
children
 will be more naughty because their behaviours have changed. They might be injured or affect other things. In conclusion, I believe that
parents
 should teach their
children
 about the pros and cons of hitting back at bullies.
Submitted by eiphyo2021 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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