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Writing Samples
Band 6

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem thoughout the developed world . Because of this , some people think that adverts for fast food , sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this ?

#childhood #obesity #thoughout #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #schools #colleges
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It is often argued that consumption of
junk
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food
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 should be restricted in academic institutions as it is one of the leading
cause
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causes
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 of obesity in
children
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 nowadays. I completely agree with
this
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 fact that
,
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apply
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 with the ban
of
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on
show examples
 fast and sugary eateries in the
schools
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 and colleges
this
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 problem can be mitigated. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, there has been a gradual rise in the number of
the
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apply
show examples
children
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 who are suffering from
the
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apply
show examples
obesity due to
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fast
food
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 .
This
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 has
further
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 led to many
Add a hyphen
health-related
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health related
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health-related
show examples
issues
such
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 as diabetes, blood pressure and psychological problems in the
pupils
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. To illustrate, in a survey conducted in France the
pupils
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 who consumed healthy
food
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 in the school fell less sick as compared to those who
Correct your spelling
preferred
prefer
preffered
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preferred
 sweet and sugary snacks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with the restriction on
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
junk
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food
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 in
schools
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 and universities the
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevelance
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prevalence
 of these diseases in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 can be prevented.
Nevertheless
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, teachers are the best mentors who can guide the students to live
a
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apply
show examples
healthy life. If unhealthy eateries won't be allowed in the study institutions, the
pupils
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 can be motivated and taught by their professors and guides to opt for healthy
food
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 and its benefits.
For instance
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, nowadays in
India
Add a comma
,India
show examples
 many
schools
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 have put a complete ban on the consumption of
junk
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 and processed
food
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 and are encouraging
children
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 to bring specifically
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homemade
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home made
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homemade
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food
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 for better growth and
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development
develpment
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development
 of the students.
Hence
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, with the motivation from the
teachers
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teacher's
teachers'
show examples
pupils
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 can be guided to follow good eating
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habits
habbits
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habits
. To conclude, in the present
times
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time's
times'
show examples
 obesity in
children
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 is one of the major problems advancing in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nations.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be addressed , if the use of
junk
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food
Use synonyms
 will not be allowed in the
schools
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 and the colleges by making students aware of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of nutritious
food
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 and
therefore
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further
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems can be decreased.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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