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Writing Samples
Band 6

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem thoughout the developed world . Because of this , some people think that adverts for fast food , sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this ?

#childhood #obesity #thoughout #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #schools #colleges
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It is often argued that consumption of
junk
food
 should be restricted in academic institutions as it is one of the leading
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of obesity in
children
 nowadays. I completely agree with
this
 fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 with the ban
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast and sugary eateries in the
schools
 and colleges
this
 problem can be mitigated. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, there has been a gradual rise in the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 who are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity due to
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of fast
food
 .
This
 has
further
 led to many
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
issues
such
 as diabetes, blood pressure and psychological problems in the
pupils
. To illustrate, in a survey conducted in France the
pupils
 who consumed healthy
food
 in the school fell less sick as compared to those who
Correct your spelling
preferred
prefer
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 sweet and sugary snacks.
Therefore
, with the restriction on
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
junk
food
 in
schools
 and universities the
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevelance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of these diseases in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 can be prevented.
Nevertheless
, teachers are the best mentors who can guide the students to live
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy life. If unhealthy eateries won't be allowed in the study institutions, the
pupils
 can be motivated and taught by their professors and guides to opt for healthy
food
 and its benefits.
For instance
, nowadays in
India
Add a comma
,India
show examples
 many
schools
 have put a complete ban on the consumption of
junk
 and processed
food
 and are encouraging
children
 to bring specifically
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
 for better growth and
Correct your spelling
development
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
 of the students.
Hence
, with the motivation from the
teachers
Change to a genitive case
teacher's
teachers'
show examples
pupils
 can be guided to follow good eating
Correct your spelling
habits
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
. To conclude, in the present
times
Change to a genitive case
time's
times'
show examples
 obesity in
children
 is one of the major problems advancing in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nations.
However
,
this
 issue can be addressed , if the use of
junk
food
 will not be allowed in the
schools
 and the colleges by making students aware of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of nutritious
food
 and
therefore
further
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevalance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems can be decreased.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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