Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nobody could overlook the fact that

music

has become one of the most significant parts of our lives. It is believed by some that

music

has a key role to gather people from distinct nationalities, customs, and even various ages together. I strongly agree with

this

view because

music

not only improves people’s interactions

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

has a positive impact on our lifestyle.

First

and foremost, there are lots of stuff convening people together that one of them is

music

. To elucidate

this

point, common interests have an indispensable role in developing people’s bonds with each other nowadays

music

is one of the common interests having a great effect on increasing people’s strong ties. To cite an example, during my studying as an international student, I could find three close friends from distinct nationalities and

also

different ages who like Iranian pop

music

and we all listened to

this

music

frequently.

Moreover

music

can have a major impact on our lives

such

as alleviating some mental problems, raising happiness and bringing us enraptured. Recent studies have shown that listening to a piece of light

music

has an extraordinary function in alleviating symptoms of mental illnesses. So, it is noteworthy that in today’s world

music

is used to treat some diseases, especially Autism.

Furthermore

, listening to delightful and energetic

music

can release some hormones which increase our excitement making us feel happy and

consequently

, growing our life satisfaction. To sum up,

music

is an appropriate approach to becoming close with people because ,from my perspective, it can help us to make a strong relationship and

also

change our lifestyle.

Submitted by TUTOO on Thu Jun 30 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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