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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the extended family is not as important now as if once was. Others think that its worth has not changed because people always need help from their family members. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is a common belief that the extended family of the other types is not as important anymore.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that there is no more valuable element than a sense of fellowship in human
society
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, which has a more powerful influence if the family size is bigger and bigger. On the one hand, the large family is not the usual
type
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 as time passes.
This
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type
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 was built by requirements to survive in agricultural civilization, which meant they could provide more crops and protect their family from other
people
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.
For example
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, in the Middle Ages, if one family had more than ten
people
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 as family
members
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, they produced wheat for food and gained more financial force rather than small families. They even made the family name system to widen their family influence in
society
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, and it brought them more strength and attachment. It was a very efficient method to make their lives safe.
However
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,
people
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 think that we are living at the beginning of the 5th Industrial Revolution period, which means that the family force based on the number of family
members
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 is insignificant.
Nevertheless
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, considering the togetherness of family influence in humanity, which turns more potent if its size is larger than the nuclear family
type
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. The family no longer needs to produce workforces, but it does work in our
society
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. An excellent example of
this
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 occurred in South Korea; one of the most famous companies in the world prefers to spread their new business with their young family
members
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, based on their parents' successful business. It was more worthy and was not as risky as other partnerships with
people
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 hired or joint relationships.
This
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 leads to the large family achieving their plan as the benefit of the initial family
type
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.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is apparent that the old
type
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 of family isn't necessary, it is undeniable that it is still a crucial
type
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 in
society
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, and helps their family to be solid and stable with the potential business
members
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.

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task achievement
Clearly introduce the topic and your thesis in the introduction. Consider explicitly stating your own opinion and how you plan to discuss both views.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This will help with the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
In your conclusion, restate your position clearly and summarize the key points made throughout your essay. This will help reinforce your argument and give a strong finish to your piece.
coherence cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs. Avoid over-reliance on basic connectors like 'However' and 'For example'.
task achievement
Support your main points with a more diverse range of examples and evidence. While real-world examples are compelling, incorporating statistics, quotes from experts, or historical facts could strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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