IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

#humans #environment #governments #address #people
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Since the Industrial Revolution, environmental pollution has never ceased to draw public attention
as well as
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 provoke debates. There are various causes of
this
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 phenomenon but they are mainly instigated by human activities. In the following essay, the problems and remedies will be thoroughly discussed.
Firstly
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,
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 innovation has led to the advent of new kinds of transportation and the possession of private vehicles.
Although
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 people can commute faster and more conveniently, the fumes emitted by vehicles themselves have become the root cause of the greenhouse effect which leads to global warming, changing the climate and causing natural disasters.
Secondly
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, the increasing urbanisation and industrialisation have promoted the deforestation and destruction of the natural habitats of many species, threatening the balance of the ecosystem. A telling example of these arguments is China, where carbon footprints from transportation and industries
as well as
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 the ever-present need for accommodation
due to
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 overpopulation have greatly contributed to the
overall
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 worsening of the global environment and climate. A variety of solutions has been proposed to tackle the problems, but after all, governments should become the backbone of the efforts.
In particular
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, lawmakers should enact policies regulating and restricting the number of greenhouse gases and attempt to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fume
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 by levying environmental taxes on vehicles
along with
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 developing public traffic systems
such
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 as buses and subways.
Furthermore
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, the regulations on urbanisation and industrialisation should be revised in order to
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 that they will not be detrimental to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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natural habitats.
Additionally
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, individuals should be more aware of their actions, some of which are littering, using personal means of transportation and forest clearing, especially in relation to the environment so that those can be ceased or at least alleviated. And that can only be achieved via self-education. In conclusion, it is human practices that contribute to the downgrading of the natural environment. Governments should be the instructors and leaders in the eradication of
this
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 matter.
Submitted by hughdaoxvii on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure. To improve coherence, use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollution: contamination, emissions, pollutants, industrial waste
  • Deforestation: habitat loss, biodiversity, urban development, logging
  • Climate Change: greenhouse gases, global warming, fossil fuels, renewable energy
  • Overfishing: unsustainable, fish stocks, marine ecosystems, conservation
  • Waste Production: non-biodegradable, plastics, recycling, waste management systems
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