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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children do not concentrate in School what is the cause and what is the solution

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The problem with schools nowadays is that they don't spark
children
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's
attention
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 anymore, leading to a
lack
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 of concentration.
This
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 essay will discuss how teachers are delivering boring presentations and the
lack
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 of interesting
topics
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 taught.
This
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 essay will
also
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 suggest solutions to these problems including new ways of interactive teaching and allowing pupil's to choose the
topics
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 they study. Two causes of
lack
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 of concentration are: old ways of teaching and
lack
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 of
choice
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 for the students. Teachers have not evolved enough over the past 50 years, they still teach
children
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 through talking at the front of the class and using a whiteboard.
Moreover
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, the subjects taught at
school
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 are old, boring, and sleep-inducing.
For example
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, most
children
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 do not care about Victorian England, or the study of rocks and waterfalls, they care more about IT, coding and other new skills. Two solutions to said problems are: changing the style of teaching and allowing
choice
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 of subjects studied at
school
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. With the advancement of technology
this
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 opens a whole new world of teaching.
For example
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 using interactive diagrams and games aimed to teach specific
topics
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. Integrating
this
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,
although
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 not cheap, could help maintain students
attention
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 for longer.
Furthermore
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, changing the syllabus of schools, especially at secondary
school
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 level, to include more
choice
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 for kids will lead to them studying what they love and paying more
attention
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. In conclusion,
children
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 are finding it increasingly difficult to pay
attention
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 in
school
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.
This
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 is due to the unevolved style of teaching along with the coma-inducing
topics
Use synonyms
 taught. These problems could easily be solved by teachers using modern teaching techniques, especially technology, and by allowing the pupils
choice
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 of subjects taught to them will improve concentration.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • comprehensive
  • safer environment
  • societal pressures
  • higher education
  • competitive
  • socioeconomic background
  • vocational training
  • mandatory
  • burnout
  • learning experience
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