IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
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Over half a century, the
status
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 of
women
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 in
society
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 has been changing rapidly;
however
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, communities cannot substantiate the achievement of
gender
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 equality.
While
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 many groups of people favour
this
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 viewpoint, I argue that legal implications, more job opportunities and the right to get
education
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 provided by the
government
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 in many countries to support the female category prove that there is no discrimination on
gender
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 basis. Primarily, improving the position of
females
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 is
due to
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 the laws made in their favour. To provide equal
status
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 to every woman, higher authorities make rules and regulations to protect the dignity of
females
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such
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 as the law against domestic violence and annouce some harsh punishments to the offenders.
This
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 leads to a rise in the
status
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 of
females
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 in the
society
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.
Besides
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 legal reforms, another reason to disagree with the statement is the availability of vocational opportunities in every sector. To specify, in the past few decades,
females
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 have held various positions in every work area,
for example
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, politics, sports and defensive services. It is evident that
women
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 are getting jobs not only without discrimination but
also
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 at equal wages, representing the respectful
status
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 of
women
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 in
society
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.
Moreover
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,
females
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 are getting
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education
Correct article usage
an education
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 equally to males. Since
government
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schools
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 provide free
education
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 to a girl child and offer
free of cost
Add a hyphen
free-of-cost
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 one-time meals at
schools
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, parents allow their daughters to enrol in educational institutes
whereas
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 in the past,
education
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 was costly so parents preferred their sons to join
schools
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 over daughters, leaving them illiterate.
For example
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, had the
government
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schools
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 of India not been disseminating
education
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 equally to female children, they would not have been able to hold a dignified position in the community. In conclusion, some people think that they are yet to claim equality on a
gender
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 basis even after the better
status
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 of
women
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 in
society
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, but I think
gender
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 equality could be witnessed in every domain of life
due to
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 the favour of the
government
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.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task achievement
Consider adding a few more examples or expanding on the existing ones to further support your points. This can make your arguments even stronger and provide more clarity to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraph transitions to improve the flow of ideas. For example, phrases like 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore,' can help in linking paragraphs more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph has a distinct purpose and supports your overall argument well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed and clearly present your standpoint on the topic.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple aspects of gender equality, such as legal reforms, vocational opportunities, and education, making for a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly expressed, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
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