IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
In
this
 era, more and more
people
 tend to pick up some cosmetic surgeries to have a good look. Some factors like improving technology and
also
 human desire are the main cause of
this
 phenomenon which has a positive development in the economy and
people
's confidence. On the one hand, those who want to have a better experience usually obey some stereotypes, on the other, the human desire for being the best is the main cause of cosmetic surgeries. First of all, by improving technology and introducing new platforms ,
for instance
, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube and so on.
For example
, the demand for
this
 issue has increased significantly these days because girls and boys have seen some other girls and boys who have a striking resemblance that they want to be like them. So, many new stereotypes have been made recently which leads
people
 to have cosmetic
surgery
, and
also
 the youngster responsible for the highest proportion of following fashions.
In addition
, humans want to be the best so they try to improve themselves because they want more and more without any limitations. Ultimately, cosmetic surgeries have some answers to their desire.
However
,
this
 phenomenon can lead economic countries to a positive upward trend,
whereas
 it has a straightforward world peace.
Firstly
, a huge budget is paid to doctors and surgeons because cosmetic
surgery
 is the highest-paying in the world these days.
For instance
, they have to buy some products for their
surgery
 on the one hand and have lavish spending in their personal lives on the other. If they earn more money, they will be spending more, which means the taxes that they will be paid are higher than those of normal workers, so the government can invest more money in different aspects of the country.
Nevertheless
, If
people
 care more about themselves, behaviour will be made in which they will have more confidence and respect each other more than past because they have self-confidence.
Therefore
,
this
 respect can bring peacefully. In conclusion, by increasing the demand for cosmetic
surgery
, we can realize that technology has influenced directly
people
's desires.
Submitted by dayansabet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure a clear thesis statement is included in the introduction to outline your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Develop your main points more fully with specific, detailed examples to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question clearly and equally. This includes discussing both the reasons behind the increase in cosmetic surgery and weighing its positive or negative outcomes.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This can be achieved by planning your essay structure beforehand, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate a variety of examples from different sources or perspectives to enrich your argument and make your response more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: